To all Employees:
Effective January 2007
Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Management
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Mysterious Staircase
City of Santa Fé, in New Mexico, USA. A mystery of over 130 years and attracting around 250 thousand visitors every year. Point of attention : Loretto Chapel
What makes this chapel different from all others is that the subject of the supposed miracle that took place in it is a Staircase
A chapel was constructed somewhere in hte 19th century. When it was ready, the nuns found that there was no staircase built to take them to the top level,
They spent 9 days praying to St. Joseph, who was a carpenter.
On the last day, a stranger knocked at their door and said that he was a carpenter who could help them build the staircase.
He constructed the staircase, all by himself, which was considered to be the pride of carpentery.
Then the carpenter, who did not use a single nail or glue to construct this staircase, disappeared without even waiting for his payment.
There was a rumour in the city of Santa Fé, that the carpenter was St. Joseph himself ...
sent by Jesus Christ to attend to the nuns’ problem. Since then, the staircase was known to be called “miraculous” and turned out to be the site for pilgrimage
There are 3 mysteries in this case, says the spokesman of the chapel : the 1st mystery is that, until today, the identity of this man is not known.
The second mystery – all the architects, engineers and scientists say that they cannot understand how this staircase can balance without any central support.
And the 3rd mystery – from where did the wood come? They have checked and found out that the type of wood used to build the staircase does not exist in the entire region.
There is another detail that has just increased the belief in the supposed miracle : The staircase has 33 steps, the age of Jesus Christ.
What makes this chapel different from all others is that the subject of the supposed miracle that took place in it is a Staircase
A chapel was constructed somewhere in hte 19th century. When it was ready, the nuns found that there was no staircase built to take them to the top level,
They spent 9 days praying to St. Joseph, who was a carpenter.
On the last day, a stranger knocked at their door and said that he was a carpenter who could help them build the staircase.
He constructed the staircase, all by himself, which was considered to be the pride of carpentery.
Then the carpenter, who did not use a single nail or glue to construct this staircase, disappeared without even waiting for his payment.
There was a rumour in the city of Santa Fé, that the carpenter was St. Joseph himself ...
sent by Jesus Christ to attend to the nuns’ problem. Since then, the staircase was known to be called “miraculous” and turned out to be the site for pilgrimage
There are 3 mysteries in this case, says the spokesman of the chapel : the 1st mystery is that, until today, the identity of this man is not known.
The second mystery – all the architects, engineers and scientists say that they cannot understand how this staircase can balance without any central support.
And the 3rd mystery – from where did the wood come? They have checked and found out that the type of wood used to build the staircase does not exist in the entire region.
There is another detail that has just increased the belief in the supposed miracle : The staircase has 33 steps, the age of Jesus Christ.
My First Time! so Shhh!
It was my first time ever
And I'll never forget
I'd do it again
Without a single regret.
The sky was dark
The moon was high
We were all alone
Just she and I.
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do.
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine.
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast.
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart.
And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came.
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
At milking a cow...
Eh..eh eh..
NOW ALL OF U DIRTY MINDS SAY 3 HAIL MARYS...
And I'll never forget
I'd do it again
Without a single regret.
The sky was dark
The moon was high
We were all alone
Just she and I.
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do.
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine.
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast.
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart.
And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came.
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
At milking a cow...
Eh..eh eh..
NOW ALL OF U DIRTY MINDS SAY 3 HAIL MARYS...
Touching Love Story
A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonald's one cold winter evening.
They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking:
"Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together,
probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.
The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.
Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying.
"They were used to sharing everything."
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing.
She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.
A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.
The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.
After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything.
What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered,
"THE TEETH"
They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking:
"Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together,
probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.
The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.
Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying.
"They were used to sharing everything."
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing.
She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.
A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.
The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.
After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything.
What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered,
"THE TEETH"
Dirty Joke~ haha
> A woman was helping her husband set up his computer,
> and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that
> he would now need to enter a password. Something he could
> remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
>
> The husband was in =a rather amorous mood and
> figured he would try for the shock effect to bring
> this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked
> him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to
> his wife what he was keying in....
> P...
> E...
> N...
> I...
> S...
>
> His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *** PASSWORD REJECTED .... NOT LONG ENOUGH ***
> and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that
> he would now need to enter a password. Something he could
> remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
>
> The husband was in =a rather amorous mood and
> figured he would try for the shock effect to bring
> this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked
> him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to
> his wife what he was keying in....
> P...
> E...
> N...
> I...
> S...
>
> His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *** PASSWORD REJECTED .... NOT LONG ENOUGH ***
The Seven Wonders Of The World
A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present "Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet.
So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."
The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help".
"The girl hesitated, then read: "I think the 'Seven Wonders of the World' are:
To See
To Hear
To Touch
To Taste
To Feel
To Laugh
and Lastly is To Love
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet.
So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."
The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help".
"The girl hesitated, then read: "I think the 'Seven Wonders of the World' are:
To See
To Hear
To Touch
To Taste
To Feel
To Laugh
and Lastly is To Love
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